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catchingthisfire
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Name: Chris
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Toledo
Gender: Male
Interests: Life, love and happiness. The midwest in the Fall (and only such). Friends...esp all my wonderful chicago family and my t-town people. Big citys, rock and roll... Jesus, and trying to get to know Him.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  catchingthisfire
Member Since:
9/28/2005
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| for all the good things that happen in life, i feel i appreciate them seldomly. it is so discouraging to constantly hit a wall when you give something what you percieve to be your best effort. at what point do you just resign? i ask myself often, "will i make it? will some of my dreams be realized? will i make a good clinician?" but yet i can't even handle things like rent at the moment. after two generous gifts from my family, 2 months, 15 applications, and 6 interviews later, i still don't have a job. i owe my roommates enough money right now, that even if i find a job pretty soon i will probably just break even by the time i go to grad school. and where is God in all of this? i thank him for the interviews that i get, and am thankful for even the chance to get a job, but then get turned down a week later. i'm not ashamed to ask why at this point. i didn't want to have to apply for a job that i would leave discouraged from every day, and so i thought i would pursue my passion: mental health. i think i have a lot to offer the field, that i have good experience and that i could be an asset to a company focused in psychological care. it's all so competitive these days. i don't want to give up hope yet, but it's all so discouraging. i feel completely powerless to do anything about my situation. powerless. people have been praying for me, i have been praying for me, but when is enough enough? what about that whole scripture about the son asking for a piece of bread, and not getting a snake? i know tomorrow i'll try to pick myself up again, but this cycle is becomming demeaning. i believe God provides, but this is a struggling time to picture Him that way. | | |
| hello, my friends, colleagues, distinguished individuals of various natures,
the Lord is good, no? seems like i spend so much of my time pixelating God into various explanations or abilites, what he can and will do and how he may "typically" deal with mankind and our behaviors. i have no intention of making a long discussion, but i'd like to point out some things God has been teaching me lately, in no progressional format:
1. rationality is not exclusively wisdom. our culture seems to put logic and rational thought on a pedestal, and until recently i may have concluded that all but the strictly evidential is not worth further exploration, even as a christian. but logical rationale can be overrated. for example, God constantly throughout scripture told people to do things that may have warranted a response of the sort, "umm, God, that's....pretty dumb." but over and over, he does amazing things by faith, and rarely by reason. kind of backward to our culture, isn't it? like what was the logical progression of putting mud on a person's eyes? or walking around a city? very little, but it was obeidience.
for this reason, i think we tend to (to use crude termonology) as a church, emasculate God. and also differntiate between the new testament and now. God doesn't work like that today. Why not? Has anyone asked God about that? Those people were just folks following him. i think it makes more sense that our culture has stiffled faith into a pigeon-holed role set that distinguishes its limited use and thus keeps us from seeking his power in present time, than that God decided he no longer desired to speak to and meet the needs of his people.
2. God is in control. i heard it recently said that the concept of introspection (i.e., inner searching and inspection of thought to derive meaning to our behavior) is a sin. although i'm not entirely sure about that idea, i do believe it's sinful (i.e., not conducive to line up with God's intentions) to ask the "what if's" about the future. i think God points us to make plans, but he also says not to worry about the outcome of them. today i was thinking about my future, where i will be after i graduate and who will my friends be, will i ever have children, and i was kind of stopped in my tracks. God sort of showed me the past 4 or 5 years in review, and spoke something to the effect of "look at all that you've been involved in and where you have been. do you think you could have had any inclination of what i would have you do when graduating highschool? did i not take care of you? will i not do so again, even tommorrow?" it all comes down to trust, and understanding we cannot, nor are supposed to, see and understand the future.
3. the way to change in our lives as believers is the same as how we came to christ. this may sound simplistic, but it is true. we can't change ourselves, nor will any program, procedure, methodology, bullet points, or seminars. you know what will? Jesus and his company. intamacy and dependency on him produce change. quiet times do not do that. prayer does not do that. not alone, and certainly not as a causal instrument. these are merely avenues. God is real, and not perscribed, and as we confess to him and also forgive, and learn to hear the spirit, then we will change. i realize this is rather abstract, but that's the language the bible is written in. sorry, no bullet points in it.
4. the Bible is living. the scriptures live in both the sense that God speaks through them to us in modern day as well as those who were in the scripture lived real lives in their present time as life came. in other words, these people should not be seen as holy spritual captains of whom we can derive principles for living better. you can do that with the koran, book of mormon, or heck, even the APA ethical standards manual. rather, they should be seen as people who were trying to hear God and follow his voice, and often very much depended on God for their hopes dreams, livlihood, and physiological existence, as we also need to. God want these same things, and still desires to work. we also need to hear from God and determine what he would have us be doing.
alright, im done. need to study some.
end.
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| undoubtedly, there are perhaps more efficient ways to be spending my time, but then again i hate it when people refuse to show themselves for great lengths. so here's me emerging from my cave...
reading a book, or just finished, rather, of the therapy process of one family in the late 1970's who went to seek psychological counsel. towards the end of therapy, the father brings his parents to therapy at request of one of the co-therapists that are working with them. David Brice's (who first sought counsel) father and his wife are having trouble in their relationship, and it has sort of carried over into David's with his wife as well. David's father keeps getting defensive, saying they really don't want to change at their age, and that they are fine with mediocre. we break into the therapy session just after David's mother has expressed her fantasies of dying from her depressive state. Carl, one of the therapists, is speaking with David's father, Mr. Brice.
. . .
Carl spoke firmly. "I think we should meet again tomorrow and work on this some more."
Mr. Brice addressed the group, "I think maybe everybody is too worried about us. Elizabeth and I have our problems, but while I don't think we are going to have any catastrophes, I don't think we are going to do a lot of changing either. We've pretty mush lived our lives, and they haven't been so bad."
Carl good-humoredly looked at Mr. Brice. "I wish you wouldn't give up on you and your wife so easily." A moment's hesitation. "I hope you won't be offended by this, but I can't help but tell a story. It has been running through my head the whole hour, and I want to share it with you partially because it has meant so much to me." Everyone waiting, Carl's smile reflected in their faces. "Back when I was a resident in ob-gyn, before I went into psychiatry, I did a routine physical for a seventy-six-year-old woman. In the course of the interview I asked about her sexual life. 'Do you and your husband still have sex?' I asked. She looked instantly wounded, and I wondered if maybe I had used a dirty word." Carl paused, stiffening in his chair and throwing back his head to demonstrate the woman's posture. "'Dr. Whitaker,' she said, 'my husband and I have been married for forty-five years, and our sexual relationship has improved for every one of those forty-five years. And if we live to be ninety, I expect that it will be better still,'"
Carl [glanced at the older couple], "And I think that's really the way it can be. It may take some work for the rest of us mortals to get there, but I think that kind of increasing intimacy is really possible- though I don't think it has an awful lot to do with sex. Sex is just where it gets expressed. Our investment in marriage goes up each year, and it's just a question of whether [it] gets expressed as stress and anger or in the way that couple experienced it.
end.
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| probar. it's an interesting word, such that it is. many latin-based languages end up sort of digressing into the various modern languages, such that many of the basic meaning of stems remain the same, more or less. probar means to try out, also to test and taste. psychology tends to accentuate my already hyperactive sense of analytic thought, such that i have this whole system worked out in my mind of what does and what does not work when it comes to relationships. no kidding. i predict even non-romantic relational responses, so far as even non-relationship personal interaction of strangers is worked out. i sit and work, and calculate exactly how much interaction time a customer desires, and how personal, and eye contact. it sort of encompasses the whole customer-service routine. the problem is this moves to all areas of my life, and essentially, i am playing god. i predict people and don't really allow room for mistakes. conflict avoidance. should i allow room for error? what if i choose to "probe" something, and it doesn't turn out? the risks i've taken i seem to have fallen flat on my face, yet the greatest reported regret of the elderly is that they did not take more risks in their lifetime. seems looking back on my life i can say, "oh yeah, i can totally see the warning signs there. i shouldn't have done that." yet at the time it seemed like i didn't know what would happen. what's the difference between being wise and being cowardly? i could certainly remain secluded my entire life, and that would be fine, and when i'm 74 sitting back in my wooden kitchen table chair and reflecting, well, would it be fine? certain people tell me that life is too short to not take risks, that there are battles, so to speak, to be uptaken and fought hard to accept our destiny as men (or mankind), and the weight of the situation demands our constant action. and i can see the value of that. pursuit of all things and impassivity. yet others point out that that overactive pursuit creates unnecessary pitfalls, and that often rash and undeveloped decisions are being made, and i see this too. tired that i am, sleep shall find my static-y head. on a side note, very disappointed in osu tonight. very sad. end. | | |
| ha. ethan was right. does it ever seem like God decides to meet you at some really random moments? it's those times that perhaps i cherish the most, because it shows me there is more than me taking part in our relationship, and he's acting. tonight, amidst studying the elaboration model of persuasion, i felt the sudden urge to go running. i needed to leave beaner's for bit and get some thinking done, and that's precisely what i did. on the way to the rec, i ruefully discovered my ipod went missing, and i wouldn't have running tunes, which are normally a must. it's a good thing God still has control, because albeit small, me and god had the most excellent of conversations during my running time. we talked about everything, and it was lovely. i tend to put terrible weight on the future; a terrible fearsome weight that takes control of my thought-life with God. he reassured me. we talked about some beef i've had with some teaching i've been hearing. he calmed me, humbled me, and showed me some truth about it. we talked about ministry, and careers, and i got the feeling he was very understanding. we talked about psychology, and he gave me hope. to those of you who feel burdened out there at the moment, to those who feel discouraged, and beat down, hear these words: hold on. hold on to jesus. don't convince yourself you are ok, don't ignore the frustration, don't look to other things, don't fold. be honest with god; he knows your deepest thoughts already, the things you think of before you fall asleep. if you feel beaten or like you are failing, simply talk with him, honestly, and repeatedly, and don't let other people tell you what to do. let him, and be open to him and what he has to say. he's not out to imprison or burden you, he's not out to make you more stressed or miserable. you're life is not on a doom or laid out treasure map that is unchangeable, because you're creator made it, knowing how he made you. he has more love than you will fathom, more than your mother who bore you or your earthly father who was smitten when he saw you in your mother's arms the first time. if you feel under seige, or heartache, or doom, please just speak to him. that's what he wants. he want's to talk. the most valuable thing in life is communication, and he wants it with you. don't worry about your sin, or your failures; if he was worried about that then he wouldn't have sent his son here. and one last suggestion, read galatians. god wants your heart, and faith in him, not deeds. one last thing before i leave and continue to ignore my hw: i have heard this week that the truly greatest in Christ are the ones who persevere and don't give up; the ones who don't know how to quit even when they are discouraged. i know this sounds good and right, but it simply is not true. the greatest in Christ are the ones who trust him, and have faith in him. it was through faith we are made heirs, through faith that we are saved, and through faith that those in Hebrews were commended. perseverance may be a result, but don't think for a moment that "sticking it out" is a good solution to spiritual crisis. a simple trust in him as dad is what he wants, a simple hope in step with the simplicity of the gospel. i love you God, thanks. end. | | |
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